How To Get A Life

It's never easy to overcome innate nerdity, a serious Internet addiction, or a hard-core computer gaming habit, but trying usually isn't as painful as kidney stones. Here's how:

- Let go of the mouse.

- Turn off the computer.

- Play a game of solitaire with a real deck of cards.

- Eat something other than taco chips.

- Pass wind without recording it and putting it up your Web page.

- Get some sleep in bed rather than on your keyboard.

- Next time you wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, don't tell everyone on FB (NewTribeZ) about it.

- Open a window without turning your computer back on (yes, it is possible). Very gradually expose your eyes to increasingly bright light so as to avoid damage or permanent sun blindness.

- When you feel prepared for a massive dose of non-CRT radiation, put on welding goggles and go outside.

- If you see someone, say "Hi" to them instead of trying to make the modem connect sound.

- Visit a friend that you haven't spoken to in years because they don't have an email address.

- Have ".com" officially removed from behind your name.

- Go on a date with someone you didn't meet in a chat room.