Necessary Information for the 40

- If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

- Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

- If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

- Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

- For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

- If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

- Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

- Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

- Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

- There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

- Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

- Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

- It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.